Dump Your Trainer (If They’re Not Actually Supporting You): A Guide for Smart, High-Achieving Women
- Kristen Richers
- 18 hours ago
- 7 min read
I have a message for smart, driven, high-achieving women who love moving their bodies:
Stop tolerating bullshit from anyone who’s supposed to have your back.
Yes, that includes your personal trainer.
I have an absolutely incredible friend who hired a personal trainer last week. (Not the one pictured above, she clearly trains with me.)
But, yay for this other friend! We celebrate investing in ourselves!
This friend is exceptional. She’s a thriving business owner, an incredible friend, and a beautiful soul. She loves to exercise and move her body, and already has a great workout routine on her own. She has also worked as a personal trainer in the past and has her Master’s degree in nutrition.
So she knows her stuff.
Story Time: When Personal Training Goes Wrong
My friend has a gym in her apartment building where a company of in-home personal trainers was offering free sessions. Obviously, if you’ve spent any time around gyms, you know this is a sales pitch. But my friend had been looking for a way to re-engage with strength training after months of mostly doing Pilates.
She signed up for the free session and ended up committing to 2x/week personal training. She was excited about the investment in herself, but had a little ick feeling from the sales process. She has money to spend on fitness, but hours later she felt a little gross remembering how much pressure the trainer had put on her to sign up.
When she didn’t have her credit card on her in the gym, he walked her up to her apartment to get it and complete the purchase.
Only after the sales process did she learn that the trainer she met wouldn’t actually be her trainer. Some random guy she had never met would be working with her. No information on him. No introduction. No personality check. No credentials check.
Still, my friend gave it the benefit of the doubt. She’s optimistic, but also—like me and so many other women—tends to lean into people-pleasing. Especially in scenarios with men in positions of power, like this sales trainer.
The Red Flags Appear
So my smart, successful, confident friend—who has literally worked in the fitness industry—shows up for her first session.
It’s fine. She has a good enough time. She’s honestly a dream client, so it shouldn’t be that hard to train her. Exceptional form. No injuries. Already consistent with movement.
Then the second session comes around.
My friend’s goals do not include weight loss. In fact, she had already mentioned that she has a complicated history with weight and food and didn’t want that to be the focus. She just wanted to lift weights and get stronger.
For context: my friend, visually and objectively, does not need to lose weight. She lives in a very lean body.
The trainer—without being asked or prompted—guesses at her weight and tells her she should “lose 20 pounds” and that her goal weight should be 120.
My friend weighs 128.
Holy airball, my dude.
Fortunately, my friend has invested deeply in her own personal development. She was able to process the comment, journal about it later, and release it. But a younger version of her? That comment might have launched her straight into a restrict–binge cycle and a rabbit hole of body dysmorphia.
And the bullshit didn’t stop there.
Still, during the second session, this trainer starts hitting on another woman in the gym. He has the audacity to get her number while my friend is in the middle of a set—not between sets, not after the workout.
Like most women who understand that calling men out in person can carry safety risks, my friend just went along with it. But after the session, in the safety and quiet of her own home, the ick started creeping in.
She reached out to me for validation—and I was horrified.
She told the story to her dad, who was livid.
After boosting confidence in her instincts through community support, she reached out to the company owner, who was equally upset.
Her session was refunded.
She was assigned a new trainer, verified as a “better guy.”
And her first session with the new trainer will be free.
I know it doesn’t always work out that easily. Sometimes walking away from a bad trainer means you don’t have a new trainer for a while.
But if my friend hadn’t been willing to leave what wasn’t aligned, she never would have had the opportunity to find someone better.
And I happen to know for a fact: “someone better” is out there.
There are so many amazing, qualified personal trainers who are excellent at what they do—and also not losers.
The Difference a Skilled Personal Trainer Makes
For the past six years, I’ve been rebounding from the fitness industry like someone recovering from a toxic breakup.
I’ve started introducing myself with a title most people don’t even understand: Exercise Physiologist—my official clinical credential—instead of saying something people would immediately recognize.
Personal trainer.
Why? Because I’ve spent years trying to distance myself from the toxic parts of fitness culture:
D-bag bros
The disordered eating habits normalized in bodybuilding communities
Cult-like clubs (ahem, CrossFit and Hyrox) where belonging often requires full lifestyle devotion
Pilates culture where aesthetics matter more than the quality of the workout
Cycling instructors delivering life advice mid-ride like a Sunday sermon
And here’s the thing: women deserve so much better than this.
Because a personal trainer can be something very different.
And Here’s Where Most Trainers Fail—and What You Deserve Instead
When someone’s experience with a trainer is dismissive, inappropriate, or surface-level, it quietly teaches women that this is just what the fitness industry is like.
That if you want to get stronger, you have to tolerate weird comments about your body.
That if you want guidance, you have to accept cookie-cutter workouts and questionable behavior.
That if you want support, you should be grateful for whatever you get.
But that’s not the ceiling of this profession.
Not even close.
Because a truly skilled trainer—one who understands women’s bodies and the complexity of women’s lives—can be something entirely different.
Here’s what you could find:
What a Holistic, Women-Focused Personal Trainer Can Do
A trainer who sees you so clearly that years later, you ask her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding.
A trainer who makes you feel so safe and supported, you’d trust her to be your birth doula.
A trainer who understands reproductive health well enough to walk through pregnancy prevention conversations—in tandem with your doctor’s guidance, not dismissing it.
A trainer who can rehab your pelvic floor after birth and guide your recovery step by step so you don’t increase your risk of prolapse.
A trainer who has supported women through fertility journeys—egg freezing, IVF, IUI—and understands the emotional and physical landscape of those seasons.
A trainer who understands how brutal the luteal phase can be when living with PMDD.
A trainer who understands how incredibly hard weight loss can be with PCOS.
A trainer who understands the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause and knows how training, recovery, and nutrition need to shift.
A trainer who understands chronic stress and high-pressure careers—and knows when you need nervous system support and recovery, not another “push harder” workout.
A trainer who can help you rebuild trust with your body after years of feeling like it was something to control, shrink, or fight against.
A trainer who sees the years you spent struggling to feed yourself and helps you reach your goals without weigh-ins.
A trainer who understands your history with disordered eating and doesn’t require macro tracking.
A trainer who treats you like a capable, intelligent adult—not someone who needs to be micromanaged, shamed, or controlled into results.
A trainer who knows what it feels like when your body doesn’t perform as it did during your athletic or dancing years—and helps you build a new relationship with strength.
A trainer who can help you feel confident walking into the weight room—even if you’ve felt like you didn’t belong there.
A trainer who understands injury history, chronic pain, or hypermobility and can build strength without making your body feel worse.
A trainer who has advanced experience building bone density and understands the risk factors for osteopenia and osteoporosis—and has helped women strengthen their bones again and again.
A trainer who helps you get stronger without requiring fitness to become your entire personality or lifestyle.
And most importantly: a trainer who doesn’t treat your body like a problem to fix—but something to understand, strengthen, and care for.
Most women don’t even realize this kind of support exists in the fitness world—because they’ve only been shown the watered-down version.
Stop Settling—Start Asking for More
If you’ve ever walked out of a gym feeling unseen, unsupported, or uncomfortable…
If you’ve ever had a trainer talk about your body in ways that made your stomach drop…If you’ve ever tolerated behavior that made you question yourself instead of trusting your instincts…
I need you to do something brave.
Stop tolerating shitty behavior from the people around you—especially the people you pay and trust with your health.
Stop going to classes taught by instructors who make you feel small.
Stop following trainers on social media who fuel comparison instead of confidence.
And please, for the love of all things holy: dump your trainer’s ass if they’re not hyping you up and supporting you through whatever season of life you’re in.
Because here’s the truth:
I’m not a unicorn.
But the women who end up finding trainers like me usually have one thing in common: they finally decided they were done settling for less than thoughtful, intelligent support.
There are tons of trainers like me.
But you will never create space to find us if you keep tolerating less than you deserve.
International Women’s Day Reminder
Speaking up for what you want isn’t dramatic.
Changing course when something isn’t right isn’t failure.
Leaving situations that don’t respect you isn’t selfish.
It’s how you build a life and a community that actually supports you.
If you’re one of those smart, driven, compassionate women who loves to move her body and wants a trainer who understands the complexity of your life?
I promise, we’re out here. 💛
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